Out of my hole

I have been hiding...in a hole. These last few weeks of summer are going to do me in. I don't know if I can make it until school starts! My kids did really well with schedules and chores, getting along and playing together. But as the summer has drug on the ends of our nerves are frayed like the bottom of a princess dress worn every day for 6 months. Unfortunately the first thing that has gone out the window with my patience was my blogging. That makes me sad. I love blogging. I love the little bits of love you all leave me at the bottom of each post. I love looking at my stat counter and seeing how many new visitors I had that day. But most of all I love that I have a record of what my life's happenings were. So now, when my kids are grown and they look back at the "2010 [4] conk kids blog book" they will see that I went 2 weeks in August we did NOTHING!! Then the will read this entry and hear about how the did not do NOTHING, they fought, screamed, pulled hair, kicked in private areas, screamed yelled and made their mother miserable for 2 SOLID WEEKS! Enough complaining and justifying...on with our regularly scheduled blog post.

I'm out of my hole with a new outlook today, at least I did when I laid in bed this morning with my baby girl laying asleep next to me, it may have changed a bit when the rest of the crew got out of bed and the quiet peaceful morning where I made my resolve changed to me wanting to crawl back into my hole. Dang I did it again...starting over!

I think back to when my mom was raising us as kids my children's age often and try to remember things about those times. Mainly because I want to try to think about the things my kids will remember. The daily grind I don't have much recollection of my life, it's more like snippits of things that happened that were more impacting on who I am today. Like how my mom and I used to joke when dad was gone with the boys on father and son's campouts with the boys and we would say "lets do a mother daughter overnighter where we go SHOPPING!" Like how we used to scrounge for dinner on the nights mom was to tired to cook. Like the art teacher who told me I was coloring with my blue colored pencil wrong...WRONG! How do you COLOR wrong...hellloooo it's called ART!! Or like the teacher I had for second grade and then again for 4th, Mrs. Squires. She loved me like none of my other teachers loved me. This kind of memories are the ones I remember, yes I have some recollection of the everyday, walking to school, I know I almost always had a sibling to walk with but my memories are always of me walking alone! I remember watching tv in the family room on the brown carpet and lots of sleepovers where I would fall asleep in a sleeping bag or on the couch and dad would carry me to bed. But the everyday is not what comes to mind when I remember childhood.
This is my hope for my children, I hope that they remember popsicle stands built and painted with banners flying and dry ice smoking...not the screaming and yelling for the kids to get the house cleaned if they wanted to sell popsicles. I hope they remember a standing ovation at a recital not the pleading with vigor (loudly) to "practice your instrument." I hope they remember the discussions on the way to their lessons were we talk about life and the important things not the lecturing they get because my expectations are just too high! I hope they remember the hugs and kissed not the anger and tears. So here is my resolve...I will try to love more and yell less. I will make more fun so that they won't have memories to recall of screaming because they just didn't happen. Wish me luck!

Ane because I never posted it here is the recap for my July Project:365.


Ber said...

I love your blogs, they're always so honest and realistic! :) I'm sure your kids won't remember the yelling. Your a good mama! And I loved Mrs Squires but was only lucky enough to have her for 2nd grade. Remember Hopscotch the Guinea pig? It was always fun to take it home for the weekend...but I'm sure my mom didn't think so :)

Melanie said...

Yeah! I missed you! I love your gorgeous photos and they often help to bring me out of the "hole" I'm in.

Gerry Zobrist said...

Kris I guess we all have things we will remember about our childhood but remember most of all knowing that we were loved when we feel like no one was watching or listening we can bring back our memories of the times when we were kissed good night or hugged. We love you and all that you do for us, we just hope we can carry this on for the rest of our lives and into eternities!! Dad