OK, so here's the deal, I'm going to put myself out there because I think it may just be a little bit therapeutic to do so please don't judge me, just love me anyway! I have come to a point in life where I know I need to make a change. If you know me in real life you know that I don't have the easiest children (well except Colby, He's like luggage, we can cart him anywhere and you don't even know he's there, he just so content with life!) But my 2 older children can give me a run for my money, and that little one too, but she 2 so we'll forgive her for being so difficult. We have disrespect and obedience issues.
My solution to this has been to YELL.
I YELL a lot.
I try really hard not to yell but then my kids go and do something that MAKES ME CRAZY and I loose it. This has begun a vicious cycle that is why I am in the situation I am in now anyway. I swear if I had a nickle for ever time I say "go get ready" in the morning to my kids I would be a millionaire by now.
So I struggle.
I struggle with the fact that I am a 30 something mother of 4 that is not the kind of mother I want to be. Even worse I'm not the kind of mother my kids NEED me to be. I struggle with taking in the fact that I CHOSE to be a mom, it was all I ever wanted to be when I grew up. I had the picture perfect image in my mind that I would have these respectful obedient kids that would do all that was asked with a smile on their faces and when confronted with the reality of real life kids I have not handled very gracefully. I find myself wishing I could just curl up in bed let them deal with everything themselves.

Last year Terry and I took the "Strengthening the Family" class put on by our church. If you are a member (or not) and a parent, or ever plan to become one, you MUST take this class. The sooner the better. But when you do don't do like I did and try KINDA to do what is taught in the class.
We learned so much in the class but the thing I took away from it most was that you (I) need to show and outpouring of love to your(my) kids. I am always telling them what they need to be doing, not showing them how proud of them I am for what they do do! I do have great kids who are tremendously intelligent (probably part of the problem, they outsmart me all the time) and talented.

So here I am, now what? I want to be woman who does more that just seems to have it all together. I want to to take the real life kids I am blessed with and not only smile through the "reality" of it all but ENJOY it! I want to have that joy of motherhood. The kind when I can look passed the nail polish spilled on my bathroom floor and see the hand print left by it. I hope to find that joy. There is no magic pill I can take to make it all better I just have to do it!! I want my family to grow and be happy. To take refuge in each other. To SMILE A LOT! To spend more time together when we aren't worrying about who hasn't cleaned their room or practiced their instruments. I know If I can do this the problems we are having will just disappear.

I have seen on many blogs that I read of women who choose a word that they want to be their word for the year, some examples are
Just to name a few, well I have chosen a word...are you ready? Ok get ready to be wowed!


Now when I say enjoy, I mean that in a very specific way. I already "enjoy" many things, I enjoy food, I enjoy photography, I enjoy blog browsing. But I want to take time out to enjoy MY FAMILY, My kids especially. I don't take the time out to enjoy them. I plug my Ipod in my ears and work, tuning out life. The first thing I am going to do is to start enjoying the forced 30-60mins a week I get one on one time with my kids, I say forced because it's time I spend in the car traveling to and from lessons, ONE ON ONE. It is just about the only time I AM one on one with each kid so I will use this time to talk to my kids about who they are and who they want to be. You may even get to hear about some of these little "interview" sessions I plan on having with my kids! In fact you can probably count on it because if you have met my kids you know they are characters and have amazing minds!

All right I'll let you go now because I have totally rambled on now for like 7000 words so have a nice day and go ENJOY your kids!


Janae said...

I think we all struggle finding this balace. Check out this book "family rules" by Mathew Johnson. Google it you by it online. It has helped us lots:) good luck! I love your word:)

Staci Leach said...

I'm so proud of you! I TOO need to ENJOY more often. I'll try harder when I can breath again.

Sara said...

Great post, Kristin. I think what you are feeling is very normal. I took a Love and Logic class last year and it helped me regain my focus tremendously. I felt I often made things about me and that my expectations for Ainsley began to overtake my pride in her actions, so I have worked on that a lot, too, and have seen great results. I can only imagine with 4 children, it is that much harder. You are a great Mom!

Melanie said...

I love the word ENJOY! It is a great word for the year, and something you will appreciate even more as your kids get older. Enjoy them NOW because before you know it they'll be off on their own. You are a great mom Kristin! Don't be too hard on yourself

Michelle, Darin and boys said...

So many things I could say, but I'll sum it up...I just love you to pieces, and you are indeed an awesome woman!

k8theriver said...

every day i think, "chloe is only 7, maybe if i start being a good mom today she won't remember the bad early years of her life." almost everyday i fail. i feel like i'm ruining her.
why do our kids show so much disrespect and attitude? i did not do that when i was their age.

LaRae said...

Kristin - could it be that Zobrist have loud, sassy, strong-willed children that challenge us on a daily basis? It's good to know that I'm not the only one with such issues! There are days when I ask myself why I couldn't have just ONE agreeable child. But - in this crazy world we live in, I wonder how many agreeable children there really are. Maybe we all think everyone else's kids are more well-behaved at home than ours when the reality may be that they just aren't. Our kids need to be tough. I always tell myself that it my job to try to channel that spunk in the right direction. I'm not often that great at doing such a feat, so I am thankful for a new day, every day, when I can try again. I'm with you, we do need to "enjoy" I see that already as my oldest is in high school and pulling away from me more & more - it makes me hold onto my almost-four-year-old "baby" even more. Being a mom is the greatest blessing and the greatest challenge. I used to think I was a patient person - and then I had kids! Enjoy mothering - knowing that many of us are all going through the same struggles and frustrations! I love you & your blog & the pictures of your amazingly beautiful family!